The Power of Being Witnessed
What would it feel like to be truly seen in both your darkness and your light?
I’d like to explain to you here why it’s so important to surround yourself with people who can truly witness you in both your glory and your pain.
First off, what’s the big deal about witnessing others and being witnessed…about gathering your trusted tribe?
It’s powerful because when you invite this into your life…
You feel seen and understood,
you know you’re not alone,
you know that you matter,
you no longer have to hide your own radiance or pains,
you can fly higher,
you can grow into yourself,
you are held accountable,
you see yourself more clearly,
you learn how to feel comfortable in vulnerability,
you can stop competing with one another and instead lift each other up,
you see your own desires or dreams in the one you’re witnessing,
others become the catalyst for the growth in your life.
So many of us go through our lives, even since childhood, feeling like no one ever really sees us or hears us. Even among a crowd of people we can feel alone, invisible, unrecognized, dismissed, misunderstood. We can feel lost in a sea of very distracted people, caught up in their own struggles, leaving us to feel as if we must suffer and go it alone.
I felt like this myself for most of my life, especially the invisibility piece.
We are not meant to go it alone. We are human, meant to encircle ourselves with supportive people. We are each worthy of an inner circle who embraces us when we’re down, and just as importantly, shines a light on us when we’re ready to soar.
For the last 5 years I have gotten to reap the powerful effects of being witnessed from within the circle of an amazing women’s group that I am a part of. Recently when I was on a pilgrimage in Ireland with this group, my tribe, I experienced this power of being witnessed on a whole new level. And it has forever changed me!
This power of being witnessed and of witnessing was the catalyst that led me to form and lead my own circles of women.
Let me share one of my experiences so you can understand what this could mean for you…
The Moment that Shifted Me
We were visiting the ancient ruins of St. Kevin at Glendalough- a former monastery surrounded by the luscious rolling green Irish hills, wide flowing river and waterfalls, sheep grazing in the fields, wildflowers dotting the landscape.
As we were passing through St. Kevin’s church, our leader mentioned casually to me that the last time she was here a beautiful goddess-like woman in long flowing dress was being photographed in the large window opening. At that moment I knew, for reasons yet known, I needed to stand in that window and be photographed.
I waited while tour groups dispersed. Our leader claimed that I needed to not just be photographed but to be fully witnessed as this had become a theme for the week. She called in the other women of our group. This was important for everyone.
So, this was not just a photograph. This was an act of boldness, even on the fringe of wildness. This was against the rules here and I am a recovering rule follower. There were officials wandering around for God’s sake.
Once the coast was clear of officials and my sisters cupped their hands for me to step into, up I went. Once I was steady I slowly turned myself around into the embrace of my tribe with smiles on their faces, warmth from their hearts flowing up to meet mine. I opened my arms and hands, lifted my head and smiled.
I looked out further to see tour groups witnessing as well. We were all a part of this dance.
Good Girl Gone Wild
This was a moment for me to savor, photographed or not. This was metaphoric on so many levels and also so real. I felt seen! I felt big. I felt defiant (not a usual trait of mine). On a side note and a future blog- just before this trip I had buried good girl, Karen. Yes, I literally buried her! More on that later…
I felt proud, uplifted, supported. I felt witnessed up there in my light. I didn’t need to shrink myself for the sake of others.
This was a moment where I finally didn’t feel guilty or bad for shining bright!
Do you ever find yourself holding back from sharing what’s great in your life while others are awash in their turmoil?
I keep returning back to this one moment in time, witnessed with love, in my fullest expression of light by my tribe, whenever I’m scared to take that next big leap, as it just so happens I am this summer with a new endeavor, or when I’m immersed in fear of what others will think.
I Can Fly
My trusted tribe is like my platform to fly from. I already have been growing my wings by doing the inner work. Then when I choose to shine and others are consciously watching, I’m suddenly soaring. I can do whatever I set out to do. It’s like I’ve been given a head start. Going forward, flying, does not feel quite so daunting because I know others have my back like a cushion.
When are you typically witnessed?
The usual times you get to be in witness and be witnessed are celebrations like weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, and other milestones.
But what about the everyday, smaller moments along your journey? Are you witnessed in…
The emotional breakthroughs, the aha moments, the shift in perspective, the newfound energy, the release of an old habit or pattern, the big decision made or the little decisions along the path, the creative project completed or one begun, the new relationship, the new creative idea, the shift from maiden to mother or mother to crone…?
And also in the confusion, the overwhelm, the crisis, the frustrations, the self-doubts, the burdens weighing heavily on us…?
How do you gather your tribe?
It could be a group you already belong to like your book club or a group led by a mental health professional or coach. Your tribe could be your one or two very best friends who desire nothing but the best for you. It could even be family members who can see you as you are in the present.
Once you find your tribe, make agreements.
In the sacred circles I facilitate we all sign a written agreement but you could just informally verbalize them.
Agree to…
Be open-minded, curious and willing to open up to new ideas.
Take 100% responsibility for yourself, your own experiences and your own well-being.
Keep confidences, guarding whatever is shared and honoring the vulnerability of those who share, while giving each other space to share without interrupting.
Relate in ways that build mutual respect and trust, holding compassion for each other.
Listen and watch with all your attention.
Speak your truths from your heart.
What are the no-no’s for witnessing?
Do not pass judgment.
Never ridicule, dismiss, or belittle.
Do not share what others share without permission.
Do not interrupt one’s process.
Do not pity.
Do not offer your advice unless requested.
A word on jealousy…this is common, normal and our teacher!
To witness another in her light shows you what is possible for yourself. If you can witness another shine in her biggest way — holding your jealousies with soft awareness, recognizing them as the teachers of your own desires and dreams, then you can also hold happiness for the other.
In awareness, the witness becomes the keeper of the Light, making it easier for her next time the opportunity presents itself to shine her light while others witness.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” by Marianne Williamson
Standing in that ancient window opening before my soul sisters was like opening the windows wide to my soul. I realized no one should be pulling down the shades on their light and truth, including me.
Do you have your trusted tribe to call upon as witness in both your dark and light?
If not, I invite you to join our beautiful and growing community of women HERE where we gather and witness in various formats of Sacred Circle.
Karen is an expert healer with 15 years of experience teayching Reiki, yoga and meditation. Her transformational program — Women Healing Women Through Sacred Circle — helps women awaken to who they truly are with compassionate, empowering tools and processes. Being a lifetime seeker herself, she’s able to help you dig deep into your body and soul to uncover your innate healing wisdom. You can find her at: www.OpenHeartMaryland.com.
